Art major, Art life, Art love, Art me, Art you
Do the Art, Live the Art, Breathe the Art
Motivated by the Art, yet procrastinated @ the thought of….. the Art
Projects due, PROJECT IS DUE!!!!!! Art is the project, do the Art
Art is Life, Life is Art
Project Done
Bless
As people journey through life, their constantly building, destroying, and again… rebuilding. People grieve in different ways. Some bottle up their emotions, others have a good cry, and yet others waft in a medium of emotional inertia. It’s hard to let go of something that you valued and prized, yet didn’t show it… until the 11th hour. My weekend uptop reminded me that my selfishness cost me something… and I overstand that. The mental and emotional torment that I put MYSELF through is just that… self inflicted. Why shouldn’t I be happy when people find “true” love? lol, being bitter was not, is not, and never will be the answer to holes in the heart. While I do acknowledge my faults and numerous weaknesses and “idiosyncrasies”, I also acknowledge the strength that it takes for me to come around 180 degrees and realize that for me to be upset, angry, hurt about anotha person’s personal situation is not only foolish, but also taxing on the psyche. lololol = ), Through it all …… I’m happy for her. SO SERIOUS!!!! : ), I’m blessed that I had an opportunity to vibe with her, enjoy her bakery : ) and have a generally good time with her. Granted I wished(past) that things would’ve been different, however I was warned, offered and, in essence, given an ultimatum. I have a lot of growing to do…. JAH’s will, I shall no longer stand in the way of love btwn two people, nor wish ill on the burgeoning happiness of these two individuals. : ) I had my chance… key word: had.
I am grateful for the times we shared, and aware of certain errors I’ve made. I thank the Kreator for allowing this weekend of clarity, closure and calm and also for blessing her with a keen sense of discernment and articulation second to none.
Thank you for sharing with me… fyi: the condom pics were from our night and the photos are of models… no reason to lie.
Much Respect and Much Love
Bless
I haven’t felt this way…. EVER!!!! She got all up in my head and my heart…. I allowed that. I even told her that I was most definitely considering being a “one woman man”. This GIRL ripped my fuckin heart out. SMFH!!!!! I KNEW this would happen. All the stuff she said to me about loving me and all the otha stuff bout “neva feeling for another like she felt for me” HA!!!! actions SO SO speak louder than words. I allowed this woman to get up in my psyche and my emotional space and now I’m left holding a 2 dollar bill in england = translation: WITH NOTHING and actually at a loss. Think about it, here it is 3 in the morning and I’m up purging my heart out while she’s probably cuddled up with this new older career guy ($$$$)… who, keep in mind they haven’t even known each other that long (just fuckin met like a week ago). I feel so fuckin betrayed, its not even funny. Granted we weren’t technically in a relationship, however we WERE TALKING!!! SMFH… or at least I thought we were…. why else would I spend hrs on the phone wit somebody I had a history with talking about “settling down”. SMFH!!!!!! They say what goes around comes around, so I realize I probably had this coming, but, REAL TALK… I neva did ANYTHING with ANYBODY else while we were talking!!!!!! so serious!!!!!
I can’t believe I allowed myself to fall victim to a big butt and a smile… I mean its obvious that this new older dude is clearly buying her and interested in the physical… Sure this may be an “assumption”, but really weigh the facts together : SMFH!!!! I’m not even gonna get into it!!!! Shorty got me HURT…. like seriously. I’ve NEVER been this fuckin down, hurt, confused, heated…. WOW!!!!! She played the shit outta me. All that stuff she told me, all those lies she said to me, the emails, the faux interest!!!! I don’t even know… that shit seems like just that…. SHIT!!!! She OBVIOUSLY neva meant any of it. Just the fact that I didn’t hear from this girl for a WEEK (and still haven’t) afta we had THE conversation, where I pretty much said what my intentions were (of settling down) and then I just so happen to randomly read her blog and find out that she’s had an “awakening” with the dude she JUST MET A FUCKIN WEEK AGO!!! WOWOWOWOWOW!!!!! SMFH!!!! obviously she lied about all the stuff she eva said to me about how she felt about me… SIGH!!! My head’s starting to hurt… SMH, I DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
am I bitter? yes
you pumped my head up with great head, but I digress
you just met dude and already yall chill hard body
a certified nobody, talkin bout ulterior motives, shorty light the votive
watch that flame flicker as the tape tickers by way of time
I’M DONE, SO SO SO DONE!!!!!!
yea I’m indecisive, yea I’m selfish, but already though??!!!
like, really, already though
its kinda funny, but fuck it, it ain’t funny!!!!
we just talked a week ago and I feel played like a dummy
tru everything is cyclical, so there’s mos def a reason for this, but the seasons JUST changed
and already you back in da game…. SMFH hahahahahahahaha, AHHHHH
am I bitter? yes
tryin not to be negative, but already though??? WTF!!!!! I feel like I neva even knew you….
hahahahahaha, WOW!!!!!
Have fun with dat!!!! SMFH!!!!!! I know I did some things, but shorty!!!! WTF!!!!!
a fuckin bet B!!!!, a bet!!!!!
wateva fuck it!!!!! unFUCKIN believable!!!!!!
I’M SO DONE!!!!!!!
love my ass!!!! it’s a two way street shorty
am I bitter? maybe. figure it out
I’m SO DONE wit yall!!!!!!!
©Nuronjon MentalApex/Cerebral Kartel LLC. 2009
So this morning I had a very enjoyable mind fcuk… YES!!!! I thoroughly enjoy mental stimulation, especially when its unexpected, spontaneous and downright DIRTY, lollolololol… but seriously, I enjoy stimulating, intellectual dialogue with women who themselves are also stimulating and intellectual. ♥♥♥ Eb, lol, she mos def gave a brotha a run for his money, lol ; ) I love platonic(?), mental stimulation…. especially EARLY in the morning.
♥ ART
♥LOVE
♥LIFE
Jah Bless = )
As I sit here listening to Come Over by the extremely talented Estelle(remix feat. Sean Paul), I am SO THANKFUL for “her”, our trips, our love, and more importantly her overstanding. We experience so many things throughout the course of our existence and it is our reactions/responses/perceptions of these things/events/episodes, etc. that have the most power in the balance of human interaction. TRUTH IS: I did/ still do/ and most likely probably will LUV her for the foreseeable future. What we had/have is on a singular level, that not too many individuals can say they have. Pardon the vagueness, it helps ME get through MY day to day existence. I lament (constantly) of heartbreak and miscommunication and thoughts of negative karma (self imposed, I’ll admit that) that may or may not cross my path. I’ve come to the conclusion (with the help of really beautiful sistas #”she’s mos def in this category/ INSIDE and OUT” #) that I AM a selfish individual. I don’t purposely try to be this way… I jus… sigh… I value MY comfort @ ALL times. <<<< this, in many cases, leads to my downfall in different aspects of my life.
BOTTOM LINE: She accepted this….
^^^^ NOT A MINOR TASK @ ALL!!!!!
And because of this, SHE will ALWAYS have a special place in my heart, my mental, my psyche… I still LUV her and I don’t see that changing anytime soon…. REGARDLESS of wateva station she may be @ or wateva staion I’m @.
Just so yall get me>>> Shorty could be married with 2 children, 15 years from now and I could be “involved” with anotha… YET, to me, She’s in a category that I haven’t let too many sistas in. YEAH, I still LUV her..
JAH Bless
Everything was going great, or so I thought. Turned in a final assignment, confirmed the time and place for my psych final, 90% of my day spent either reading, contemplating, or traveling throughout town….. yeah everything is marvelous. : ))))
Clock strikes 6:30 ish (insert sounds of LOUD, victorian, church bells) DONG, GONG, BONG… to my surprise my account is overdrawn!!! No problem, lemme just call the number, speak to becky and everthang is gonna allllrighttttttt….. right?? NAH!!!!!
I call the #…. after 12 minutes on hold listening to ANNOYING bank of amerikkka sales pitches, Im finally connected to a woman (I forgot her name). She explains that since the fees YES… fees as in plural are pending there is nothing that can be done at the moment. Clearly this is no fault of the customer service rep with whom I’m speaking, but DAMN the level of detachment was so cold, sterile, so dispassionate that I found myself getting angry with the aforementioned woman. To reign myself in, I kept saying out loud while talking to her “I realize you have nothing to do with this, however……”. After about 4 minutes of what seemed like (on my part) the final argument in a patriot actish courtroom hearing, I realized that my sentence was LIFE without the possibility of parole = “There’s nothing “we” can do about the fees Mr. #^@^$@&”.
Clarification is needed, I am in NO WAY comparing the minor inconvenience of a couple (plural) of overdraft charges (baseless in nature) to the living daily hell of incarceration that impacts FAR TOO MANY of my sistas and brothas in the struggle.
At the time of hearing those words, and the frigid yet beguiling tone in which they were aimed at me like the verbal bullets that literally penetrated a layer of my protective consciousness, I felt disenfranchised, DAMN!!!, no money again, SIGH!!!, Fuck money, Fuck materialism, Fuck bank of amerikkka (built on money generated from the BLOOD, SWEAT, TEARS, RAPES, CASTRATION, LYNCHING, KIDNAPPING, and let us not forget the more than 500 years of SLAVERY in its varied forms of indentured servitude, sharecropping, and the other names…. YOU GET MY POINT!!!! right??), DAMN!!!!!, what am I gonna eat?(wait, I’m fasting today)… well what about tomorrow??, This backwards hustling living isn’t living, O.K you have to do something…………..
FAST FORWARD>>>>>>> 9pmish >>>>>>>> Setting: My Brain and Thoughts
“ahhh, thank you most high, when the rain fall/it won’t fall on one man’s house, ok, got food, the bananas will be good for a minute!!!, that watermelon sure looked juicy, ahhh, thank you most high/ tru kreator, bout to be in the house, YES!!!!!, walk through the door, up the steps, damn, gotta wipe the floor of my rain/ partially muddy footprint, O.K….. bout to wash my hands…the warm water feels so nice against my rain and wind beaten hands…….OH SNAP!!!!!!!!!!!…… calm down, check the closet….. NO, not there, ok, check the stand…. NO, not there, DAMN!!!, ok, ok, ok CALM DOWN!!!!, check outside….. (outside, in the rain)SIGH!!!!, it’ll come up, I mean this is the second time I’ve lost it, but DAMN!!!!!”
FAST FORWARD>>>>>>> 10ish>>>>> Setting: in front of this monitor typing ; ))
“of the world, but not of the world”, that aphorism has new meaning to me sitting here on Monday May Twelfth Two Thousand And Eight 5122008 5/12/08 @ 22:21 hrs listening to Prophet Bob Marley’s Exodus. When we are born we come into this world/dimension/state of existence NAKED, literally and figuratively. When we transition to the next level/essence/state of existence/dimension we are once again NAKED. Granted at birth some are born into situations where they won’t have a material care for the rest of their “natural lives” and others are born into shituations where they will have to struggle every single day for the rest of their “natural lives”, however they/their body/their mental and spiritual even to some extent are still NAKED, they aren’t cognizant of what Vogue says is in. They don’t care that Jordan has a superfluous amount of shoe models that perpetually keep his people mentally, socially, and economically chained. They don’t care about having billions of dollars (on paper, since the dollar hasn’t been backed by a precious metal since…………..) and taking “holidays” in St. Tropez. And last but not least, they could give a rats ass about petty overdraft fees designed to continually rape and rob the poor while enriching those few at the top of this satanic, capitalistic, individualistic, decadent group of individuals (one cannot call amerikkka and the occidental world “civilized or a civilization” any more than a neo-nazi can call his fuhrer, the “founding father” of anti-semitism).
ON TOP OF ALL OF THAT >>>>>>>>>>>>>
I misplaced something valuable and prized to me. It’s meaning was spiritual and whenever I wore her shield, her light just reflected from the mirror of my soul. All i can say and speak into existence is that WE WILL SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN!! While its bittersweet to think of the day I placed her on my right arm, and the moments of quiet reflection we shared in the mornings before I left on my errands, I’m comforted with the thought that whomever she graces with her blessings will travel in safety and peace. NOTHING BUT GOOD VIBRATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYTHING IS IRIE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanx to all I and I Sistren and Bredren who shall read this/hear of this/randomly think about one of the infinite concepts expressed here. I owe you more than you’ll ever know.
Jah Bless
In the process of perusing “the hot sheets” (lol, shout out DJ Shadow), I stumbled across a sista’s page that I hadn’t visited in what seemed like forever : ))
So, okay, words cannot describe the joy and contentment I feel when I read the subtly, sophisticated, coming of age verbiage of this most talented Afrikan woman. >>>>>> GETTING TO THE POINT BARE WITH ME ; ))
Sista Harris , whom I mos def remember momentarily linking up with @ “da plaza” lol, made/makes/is making a brotha (nuronjon,DUBZY, Jdubya) smile/beam/FEEL GOOD @ the positively progressive, kind words n vibrations that she shot my way. THANK YOU for the shout out that blessed the pages of your blog. Just like erbody n dey mama LUVs “Summertime” during the beginning of summer, you are my literary “Summertime”. MUCH RESPECT to you Alyssia Harris : )))))))
Bless
So where do I begin… At the beginning yea.. okay so I’m strolling down the supermarket aisle looking for some soy spread and my pocket starts vibrating. Rzzzz Rzzzzz rInG rInG… I look and its a local area code number. Slight backstory, lately I’ve been receiving very good vibes from local phone numbers (employment, purchases, brunch, etc.) so I figure “Okay, I’m gonna answer this and see what’s good?” ( &*%$ 35 sec. phone conversation @#* ) >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
2 mins later >>> I’m walking down the frozen food aisle in a state of disbelief. The phone conversation, which was more one-sided than mutual, has left me feeling a mixture of blowinesswtfsighnawnotevendamn!!!4real and a slight topping of “I can’t work like this 4ever”. I had a prior engagement that I was more than a few minutes late to (an hour and some change lol….. yeah). FAST FORWARD>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 5 mins after the initial “conversation”/ 3 mins after the stages of general adaptation, I stood in the checkout line with the realization that I had a choice between two hard, incongruous options. Either I go to my prior engagement and deny my self will or I make a conscious, objective decision to do “what I feel?”. As of late I don’t see the point in denying one’s self at the expense of self will. Essentially, my cosmology has become one of “vibrationalrelativestresslesslivity”. I refuse to do what is “expected” of me from a society that has no respect/care/concern or knowledge of me, my experiences, and my aspirations. People always say “life is short” and make comparisons between success and life worth, but at the end of ALL of that, if a person still finds that they are constantly GIVING more than they are RECEIVING , unfortunately, the relationship is not a reciprocal one and the MISPLACED ENERGY transfer is only one sided. This may appear to be the convoluted, rantings of a person just speaking for the sake of speaking (ie. “all this talk and no action”LMAO, funny), but seriously ASK YOURSELF….. Why do I make sure I’m on time (to the job, the organizational meeting, the interest forum, linking up with my homegirls/boys,etc.) at the expense of losing my personal rhythm, happiness and in general terms……. self will/determination…..FREEDOM.
a paycheck (slave wage) < PERSONAL HAPPINESS and RELATIVE COMPLETENESS
Bless
Positivity is the key to well being. It seems as though some people (adults) love drama, confusion, gossip and discord. I’m confused… aren’t you?Next thought…….. At my current place of “slave employment” (seriously), one of my tables just up and left without paying their bill. Frankly, I wouldn’t have cared if they just left and didn’t leave any money, however this girl left $7.00 for a $28 dollar check. The irrationality of her actions are further compounded by the fact that she initially gave me two twenties to cover the bill……. which clearly means she had the money to pay. As is protocol, I went to the bar and got some change for her to pay the bill and, hopefully, leave a few dollars for a tip. WRONG When I returned to the table, picked up the check, went to the back to count it, opened the check holder…… huh…… gasps…. “nah”…. “you can’t be serious”. To my amazement I find six dollars in cash and one dollar in change. CLEARLY, this girl (not woman) counted out seven dollars from the forty dollars that I gave to her. This could only mean that she not only knew what she was doing, but took the time to methodically think and count out one dollar in change/ six dollars in cash to leave for a $28 bill. Well ……. everything happens for a reason.I’m thankful that I was able to CHILL, sit back and THINK about the whole situation before I allowed negative thoughts to permeate throughout my essence. We can always take the negative energies of others and transform it into a positive life experience.Thank you for not paying your bill. : ))) Bless
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